Just a Girl's Thoughts...

4 Comments:

At 4:07 PM,  figleaf said...

Now *that's* an open question!

Back when I was dating I used to masturbate before I'd call someone I felt seriously attracted to. It was a way to make sure I was really interested in her or if I was just interested in having sex. If I was still interested right after an orgasm I felt more clear about the difference between my wants and needs.

Of course it's an open question which was which -- if I still wanted to call her did that mean I wanted her or needed her. In retrospect another question would be what I was looking for in a relationship and why I didn't think someone would be interested in hooking up only for sex.

In an almost complete reversal I once had a roommate who, almost like clockwork, would fall passionately in love with someone, spend several days in intense companionship, romantic interaction, and passionate conversation, consumate her romance with a night of sex... and to her dismay and her new partner she'd almost always tragically break up with him a couple of days later. She was adamantly opposed to casual sex and that just seemed to be her way of getting what she needed (sex) by pretending she was getting what she wanted (love.)

When I first became sexually active I actually got pretty good at seducing women. Good thing because I enjoyed sex, of course, but I also really, really enjoyed snuggling and sleeping with them and waking up with them in the morning. After about a year and quite a few exploits I realized that while the sex was fine what I really *needed* was the comfort and closeness that followed. When I realized that I spent a voluntarily celibate year and got to sleep-sleep with way more women than I ever could have had sex with. Clarifying my wants and needs made me a lot happier.

The bottom line for me is that in sexual terms anyway we're often very conscious of what we *want* but getting what we want isn't always the clearest path to getting what we *need.* I think a lot of people confuse the two and wind up getting neither. (Imagine the bull in the bullring. He passionately *wants* to end his torment by getting his horns into that fucking red cape. What he actually *needs* though is to get them into the matadore.)

I'm not sure I've answered your question but I hope this helps clarify the terms.

Good luck,

and take care,

figleaf

 

At 7:47 PM,  learn said...

want is when you envision a better life with it.
need is when you can't envision life without it.

 

At 5:08 AM,  Easily Aroused said...

Some extremely sage words above ... and they've prompted the thought that life in that space where humans confuse their wants with their needs may be the most dangerous place on the planet, with regards to all endeavours, including sex...

EA

 

At 4:46 AM,  MonMouth said...

Wants come and go; needs always come back.

 

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Name: Just a Girl

Location: United States

Late Thirties divorcee just learning how to have fun and live a litte

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